"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
