The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
