If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
