I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
