i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
