I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
