You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
