Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
