What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
