So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
