Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
