Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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