I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
