A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she peed on how many people?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
