waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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