Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
