He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
