I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
