Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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