I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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