We won't sleep together?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
