How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
