Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
