Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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