Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
