life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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