oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We got so high we made milksteak
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
