What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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