This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
