Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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