I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My vagina is officially offended.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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