high people should be assigned attendants
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
