my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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