I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
