you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
