dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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