He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
