i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
