worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
