He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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