if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
