My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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