someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
