new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
