come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
