wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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