i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
