Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
