Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
