first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
