Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
